How to decline an invitation: 8 short replies
Choose a message for your situation: a party in a group chat, plans with a friend, a family meal or a more formal invitation. Two separate examples cover asking for time to decide and cancelling an earlier yes.
1. An invitation in a group chat
“Thanks for inviting me! I won’t be there this time. Have a great evening!”
Use this when the group can go ahead without you and there is no need to reschedule. It tells the organiser whether to count you in. You do not need to add a reason here.
2. A friend: decline this plan and suggest another
“Thanks for inviting me! I won’t be coming to the party on Saturday, but I’d like to see you. How about a walk on Sunday at 3 pm?”
Keep the suggestion only if you want to meet and are free at that time. If you do not have another plan in mind, end the message after declining. There is no need to promise “definitely next time”.
3. An expensive restaurant: keep your budget private
“Thanks for inviting me! I’ll skip the restaurant this time. Hope you all have a lovely evening!”
If cost is the reason, this reply lets you decline without discussing your income or the prices. It does not invent another excuse or ask your friends to change their plans. You can discuss a less expensive get-together separately if you want one.
4. A family meal
“Thanks for inviting me to Sunday lunch. I won’t be coming this time. Say hello to everyone for me!”
Naming the meal keeps the message about one occasion rather than family contact in general. Keep “Say hello to everyone for me” if it sounds like something you would say; otherwise, leave it out.
5. A more formal invitation
“Thank you for inviting me to the celebration dinner. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend. I hope you have a wonderful evening.”
Replace “celebration dinner” with the name of the event. If the invitation asks for a reply through a form or response card, record your decline there: a message in a different chat could be missed.
6. You have not decided: ask for time
“Thanks for inviting me! I can’t confirm yet. I can give you a definite answer by 6 pm tomorrow. Would that work for you? If you need an answer now, please plan without me.”
This is not a decline yet. Give a deadline you can meet, no later than the invitation’s reply deadline. If that works for the host, send your final answer at the promised time, even if it is no.
7. They keep asking after you have said no
“Thanks, but my answer is still the same: I won’t be coming this time. Please stop trying to change my mind.”
This repeats your decision without adding new reasons to discuss. It is more direct than the first reply, for a situation where you have already declined gently and the persuasion continues.
8. You said yes, but now need to cancel
“I’m sorry, I said I’d come to dinner on Saturday, but I won’t be able to make it. I know you’re already counting on me. I’m sorry to change the plans.”
This withdraws an earlier yes, so it says so explicitly. Send it as soon as you know you cannot attend. If the event is soon and you receive no reply, try a way of reaching the person they are more likely to notice, such as a call. If a place was booked for you, discuss separately what needs to change.
Before you send it
Check the event name, day and time. Adjust the warmth or add your usual greeting so the message sounds like you. Keep only truthful reasons and genuine offers; no wording can guarantee a particular response.
About the source
The Emily Post Institute advises replying promptly and briefly to invitations; a detailed explanation for declining is unnecessary. The messages above were written for this article and are not quotations from the source.